Snootchy Bootchies and Yippie-ki-ay!

Kevin Smith, that tubby (expletive) we all know and love, will star in next summer's "Live Free or Die Hard" (June 29), as he reports at "My Boring-Ass Life," his daily blog. The New Jersey auteur did a five-day stint on the set of the Len Wiseman action-thriller. To imagine Kevin with a weapon, think back to his masterful escape from mall security as Silent Bob in 1995's "Mallrats" (left, with Jason Mewes' Jay) for a mental picture. But Kevin's secret terrorist foil in "Live Free or Die Hard" is said to be: (Don't read any further as I reveal the cyberterrorists' fatal weakness. Hint: It's a delivery device for a virus.) The Stink Palm. Rumor has it Timothy Olyphant (the archvillain of "Live Free or Die Hard") can't resist the allure of a chocolate pretzel in a crumply brown paper bag. Yo lunchbox, nice work!

Note to self: Kevin will share the balcony with Richard Roeper for a special "Ebert & Roeper" broadcast next week: The Worst Films of 2006.